Secret to living a gd and long life? Being happy
Being together has ups and downs. i realised i did have a nasty problem and u helped me to recognise it. i am very grateful that i have u in my life.
This week was quite terrible... i have come to learn that the learning process is a long and hard journey for different people. i am blessed to have been reading some articles and watching Get Real on tv and discover that there are more extreme cases and it's up to individuals to cope with certain stresses and difficulties. it takes support from people to deal with situations too...
sometimes i think, when i look at what i am, i see the a piece of my father in me... a piece of my family genes. haii... tell me why it has to be that way.....
to see light at the end of a tunnel, to come out relieved after a bad problem feels great... there's always human hope for a smoother life and i am one of those who hope...
Ever since the time i see you, i knew i fall in love . I coudl still rmb how you approach me to get my number and the night you sms,the content is still remembered, the beads boy. I tried my best to get my off days on thurs so that i can see you everytime at work and go out with you during our off days. My heart starts beating fast when i see you coming to work or going for break. I always try to let others go for lunch first so that i can have lunch with you at 1pm.
I was so crazy for you and you look clueless about it.
We began to develop on your 18th birthday after my night shift, you were wearing your white polo t with jeans and your leather shoe. I was totally adoring you, so attracted by your look and dressing.
The first few months of our relationship was sweet and heavenly nice until the time when you start knowing my past. You started to change after knowing it. You no longer see me as a pure and innocent girl, instead you started to label me and there was change in perception of you towards me. Ever since then , i felt lost, uncertain and insecure. I knew you were very upset about my past esp after you told me you thought you will find a girl as clear as you. You mentioned you will definitely love and treasure her wholeheartedly.
I was totally disconcerted and saddened about our being with each other since i dont belong to your category. There was a period of time when i felt that i dont deserve your love and care and i started seeing the bastard.The sad things i did to you eventually worsen our relationship.
I was so stupid and naive to think that to let you leave me, i should go back to that bastard and leave you alone. The period of time was unbearable for you. Even since then , i owe you the love and care. I told myself that i would stay with you until you have found the right one. I told myself that i should control my feelings and let go when i have to.
When people question me if you are my lifetime partner , i dare not give them an answer. I felt both of us will not be for lifetime although i badly hope it will.
I felt even worse about us when you told me you fell for someone when you started working. I was really very disappointed and heart broken as i realised that i cannot take it. Again, i told myself that its time for me to give up on you and set you free and started to see leonard. Once again , i wanna stress to you that i never like or feel for him before. i merely used him to get rid of you. And its was a stupid and brainless move , i made myself even more cheap and disgusted.
Until now you still question and hold guilt on me. There's a crack on you created by me which cannot be mended regardless of time.
You no longer have the urge to see me and want me as much as you did before all the nonsense happened. To me, you seems to do your own stuff to occupy yourself rather than spending time with me. YOu said before that you like me to cling on you but it seems that whenever i want to stick you nowadays, you get frustrated about it. Because of that we started all the arguement day after day.
You started saying things like you feel stress to me with me. Why? We have been together for so long and you suddenly said that you feel stress being with me? I dunno what to do also.. Am i the factor that created the stress to you or some other factors?
i hate to see you break down like what you did on monday. Its so scary. I rather leave you than to see it happen again. Its not the first time you lost control of your words and started yelling . Seriously i feel that that method wont solve any issue. In fact you are making things worse. I rather leave you than provoke you another time . I know you wanna vent out your anger if my leaving allows you to stop your way of venting , i'll choose to leave you. You are quite violent on the phone on monday. i am really very terrify about our future. Whether will you burst out agian and start being violent.
Its not that i dun love and feel for you anymore but justt that i felt your condition of venting anger of me is getting worse, so bad that i dun wish to see it anymore. i am really very scared. Scared of your beating and scolding.
I am really very scared of you.
