20 nov was a wonderful day... :):):):)

u are probably sad n angry over things... which started when i had nights out and OJT...

i want to proclaim that i have sorted myself out!!!!! talking about Army and such making men out of boys...

Love u, Agnes, mountain high... river deep....

Dear Bshima blog

9nov06 thursday was a good day. battalion games day, had good lunch and window shop ^^

Man rock-climbing and bouldering was fun! too bad i couldnt take part in the other games like air-rifle, LAN game....

nearly screwed up lunch date with burger king.......... haha... planned it well.. ;)

yes yes... i was bad....... 1st time handling such bad situation n adapting to new place n demands... frankly i felt better when i ain't alone....
my only other mates with gfs also started having problems when we got posted in too... but i am to blame... i added too much stress on myself....

'bad bad bad bad boy.... u make me feel sooo good....' on class 95

the periods was close to unbearable.... bcos it would kill me if it becomes really unbearable so, get it? it's like be hung up and left to bleed...

i would like to say that the time i worked b4 army i wouldnt say i fallen in love at all... it was just a physical thing... like how models and actors e.g. Tom Cruise or J.Lo would appear in dreams from time to time. it wasnt love for that girl at all...

the time when i was occupying my time instead of spending time with my dear Agnes i was just too selfish... i occupied myself playing games.... i was too tired n lazy to move... moreover i had sprained ankle which brought down my mood. i was also starting to worry about my roles n responsibilities in my unit, what the next part of my NSF life would be and what to do after that.

all the unnecessary stress n bad patches started when army, my worries abt viruses which i m still puzzled abt took a toll on me. i was nasty to have vented anger on my love. arguments became worse for abt 2 wks b4 ur periods.... i am sure of that.

everything seem to have clashed in that short period.
my on-job-training period, my tests and re-test, my 1st taste of being the 1st line of medical help, my clash with my fucked up serg, my first taste of duties, my roles as a dispensary medic, Internal quality audits, my medication's effects on me, my worries abt what the future of my performance, worries about what it's going to be when BMT starts in my unit, the covers of activities i gonna get, what to do during my off, my ankle, money, meeting you during ur tight schedules, not wishing to see you sad b4 i go off or sleep,,,, Everything, everything just collided... only when i was posted to this camp... that's probably why i just let it out at that one time. i realised i bottled everything cos i was afraid n worried of becoming a burden...

now after realising my period of darkness, i am chained to another patch. now it's just co-incided that you are wanted to be in the team A for dragonboat race and that ur db girls have such strong identities, it;s only right for them to advice u as such. and u had school work to worry about too. now i hope that my rowing tips could bring u a few steps closer to ur aim and hand in ur assignments on time. i hope u focus on ur work n cca and not on getting to know new guys from where-ever...

can anyone know how painful it is? only me knows it first hand....

This belongs to Ben and Agnes

Agnes --25 Feb 1985

Ben --11 Dec 1985

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